Single Moms - Are They Our New Widows?

Throughout the Bible, God’s people are instructed to care for those who often cannot thrive on their own, most often widows and orphans. Because of the lack of honorable employment available for women in ancient times, widows were in an especially difficult position. Without secular institutions to care for these women, widows either relied heavily on family members for financial assistance or lived in poverty.

Throughout scripture, God instructs his people in no uncertain terms to take it upon themselves to make sure these women are provided for. No fewer than 66 Old Testament passages mention widows, saying (among many other things) that widows are not to be taken advantage of (Exodus 22:22), that God defends them (Deuteronommy 10:18), that food is to be left for them to eat (Deuteronomy 24:20-21), and that those who withhold justice from them are cursed (Deuteronomy 27:19). In the New Testament, Jesus — even on the cross — entrusts the care of his mother, Mary, to the disciple John, demonstrating even in his anguish the importance widows play in his kingdom (John 19:26-27). The church is implored on a number of occasions to take care of the widows in their midst. James’ language is actually rather direct along these lines: “True religion” is taking care of widows and orphans (James 1:27).

Today, our world is quite different. Women have access to a formal education that prepares them for careers on par (though still not equal, sadly) with men in both pay scale and advancement. Even a less educated woman can receive a decent hourly job and provide for herself. In this way, a woman’s options for provision have not run out should her husband or partner pass away.

I suggest we update our definition “widow” to include single mothers, perhaps the most vulnerable members of our contemporary societies and churches. I am not suggesting we cease our financial, spiritual, and emotional care for women (and men) who have lost their spouses. But as Christians who read our Bibles as “living and active” words from God for all people in all contexts, we seek to broaden our traditional understandings of certain scriptures based on changes in our context. In saying this, I am also not detracting from the strength and courage of many single mothers. For most single moms in America, though, the math just doesn’t work in their favor: Even one child that is not yet school-aged can prevent the only able-bodied worker – mom – from having a job outside the home, without shelling out hundreds of dollars in day-care bills each week.

Sadly, the church has a shameful reputation in its treatment of single mothers, primarily because of the stigmas associated with being a single mom. They live messy lives. I know, I had one.

Our views on divorce and irresponsible premarital sex often underlie this bias ... even today in our enlightened state where we are beginning to realize that sin is sin and all sinners need a touch from God, the Holy Spirit and His people - constantly!

Those who hold most of the resources are too often the ones casting judgment on those whom they believe had a central role in creating their own fate, translating this into a general stinginess of time and money toward single moms. "The spiritual" people most often play the part of moral judge and jury, shunning fellow members who divorce and never completely welcoming those single moms who come to them following their “sin.” It is no secret that the church is often quite a lonely place to be for a divorced woman, let alone a woman who had her children out of wedlock.

We must update our spiritual lexicon regarding the word “widow” to include single moms. Right next door to many of our churches – and too often within them – these courageous women are sacrificing greatly for the well-being of their children while Christians look on primarily with judgment rather than compassion. We must consider the possibility that, placing ourselves within the story of the adulterous woman “caught in the act” in John 8, we are in fact the Pharisees and teachers of the law to whom Jesus sternly says, “Let anyone who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her.”

This son of a widow and a divorcee...remains within HIS grip...

~J~