To the Men of the Church on Rogers St.

The men of our church spent the day working on my mother-in-laws cabin and this was part of our day; we just shared and I provided them with some of the following...I hope it speaks to your heart.

Every man should read Temptations Men Face by Tom Eisenman. I appreciate Tom's candor and practicality. He pulls no punches; neither does he wrench your gut with guilt. His observations, insight, and suggestions are both penetrating and provocative. This book got me thinking about the top temptations father face.

First, the temptation to give things instead of giving ourselves-our presence, our personal involvement - Don't misunderstand. Providing for one's family is biblical. First Timothy 5:8 calls the man who fails to provide for his family's needs "worse than an unbeliever." But the temptation I'm referring to goes far beyond the basic level of need. It's the toys vs. time battle: a dad's desire to make up for his long hours and absence by unloading material stuff on his family rather than being there when he is needed. Like in the bleachers during ball games or in the audience during a band concert, like by your child's side when the homework calls for a father's encouragement, or driving the boat when your child is learning to water ski. Nothing takes the place of a father who gets involved.

Second, the temptation to save our best for the workplace - Nobody has an endless supply of emotional energy, creativity, enthusiasm, ideas, humor, leadership drive, and a zest for life. How easy it is for dads to use up all those things at work, leaving virtually nothing for the end of the day. As a result, the wife and kids get only the leftovers. Our families deserve better! By failing to pace ourselves, by not deliberately saving some of our creative energy for home, we tend to be listless, negative, boring, and predictable. Be a rare unselfish man who thinks ahead, maintain right priorities, and keep your family surprised by your attitude.

Third, the temptation to deliver lectures rather than earning respect by listening and learning - James 1:19 is worth a look, here: "My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry" . When things get out of hand at home, it's our normal tendency to reverse the order James suggests. First, we get mad. Then, we shout (lecture No. 38 . . . or is it No. 39?). Last, we listen. When that happens, we get tuned out - I've learned that the hard way. Our family members may stop. They may look. But they aren't listening. They go through a slow burn. It's a sobering realization, dads, but our home is not an extension of the office . . . and our wife and children are not employees. Maybe we get respect automatically where we work, but at home we must earn it the old-fashioned way. We must work for it.

Fourth, the temptation to demand perfection from those under our roof - Fathers and husbands can be extremely - unrealistic, can't we? It does me good to remember that a .330.375- batting average is considered tops in the big leagues. That means the professional ballplayer swings and misses well over 60% of the time. Yet .350 and he's the batting champ. In fact, if he keeps that up long enough, he's a Hall of Famer. Sure is easy to set our expectations for the wife and kids out of reach, expecting them to bat a thousand. Fathers are commanded not to exasperate their children (Ephesians 6:4), which suggest being an annoyance or one who causes grief. An exasperated child can never jump high enough, thanks to a demanding dad who mistakenly thinks good coaching means always raising the bar. Good coaching notices the little improvements and celebrates them.

Fifth, the temptation to find intimate fulfillment outside the bonds of monogamy - Thanks to our ability to rationalize, we men can talk ourselves into the most ridiculous predicaments imaginable. I've heard most of them. I've also listened to the children of adulterers after the fact, which never understands; who hurt beyond description, which carry scars indefinitely. The charm of seductive passion is incredibly strong, able to blind even the godly. The enticement can be powerful enough to make a man momentarily forget his family as well as ignore the crippling consequences of his sin. That's why I suggest that dads carry a picture of their brood and look at it often. It's impossible to fantasize sensual lust while looking at the smiling, trusting faces of your family.

Sixth, the temptation to underestimate the importance of your cultivating your family's spiritual appetite - Men, your wife and kids long for you to be their spiritual pacesetter. Children love knowing that their dad loves God, walks with God, and talks about God. Never underestimate your role as the spiritual head. If your wife is running circles around you in this area, that tells me a lot more about you than about her. And don't think the kids don't notice, and wonder. Ready for a challenge? Begin to spend time with God, become a man of prayer. Help your family know how deeply you love Christ and desire to honor Him. Start today! C'mon, men . . . it's one of the greatest gifts any father can give a family. I remain…

InHISgrip,
~J~